Today was possibly the best and worst day of my life

So a lot of stuff has happened lately. My parents went to Houston for the Quilt Market, so we have two girls from a family we're friends with staying with us. Not so bad, having Mom and Dad gone, but a little weird.

Anyway, it's been snowing. Snowing. In October.

SUCH THINGS SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING!

It's bad enough that winter is coming, but really, in October? I think we have at least six inches, and I live in a place that doesn't usually get a lot of snow even when other places get a bunch. Ugh.

This morning at church a pretty depressing thing happened. After the service, an old lady came up and told me and my brother that the way we had acted wasn't glorifying to God. Granted, I was acting kinda immature and shouldn't have done so, but our pastor is so boring I could fall asleep in his sermons and he always talks in a way that I can't understand and it's about the most obscure and useless parts of the Bible and I can't stand it. Of course, I felt angry, because that's usually the first reaction before embarrassment, which I felt immediately afterward, because my dad is gonna hear about it and he's gonna make me feel like an idiot because I embarrassed the family and all of this crap.

After church, I went over to the other church in the area, where I go to youth group, because frankly, my "Sunday" church has a sucky youth group. Well, my friends had invited me over to watch the Two Towers with them. Since I love the Lord of the Rings, I had agreed, so there I was, sitting on the fold-out bed next to the guy I have a crush on. His hand was kinda resting on the space between our legs, and I laid my hand right next to his, and before I knew it, we were holding hands and he had made it happen. I was so happy, I could have screamed. I didn't, though, because we were watching a movie, but still. So from that point on, we held hands throughout the entire movie and he started holding my hand with both hands and kind of stroking it. In all, about three hours of that, which was like heaven to me. It might not seem like such a huge deal to people who've had a million boyfriends and who've had sex with each and every one of them, but to me? I've never had a boyfriend, the only boy who ever said he liked me (and who I liked back) turned out to be this creepy stalker person, and he's the only boy I've liked who's ever shown any sign of liking me back. When I thought back on it, I cried I was so happy. Also, I had prayed to God earlier that if it was his will, I would like this boy to sit next to me. Well, God did me one better.

Bit of a funny thing: While we were watching, someone said that my crush was Aragorn and that I was most like Eowyn. (They had done this with all of the kids there)

The only problem is, I'm afraid of telling my parents. We didn't do anything besides hold hands, but it feels like everytime something happens that makes me happy my parents crush it into nothing. I mean, I have no freedom whatsoever. I can't read anything besides what they think is decent, I can't watch anything on TV except what they think I should, I can't date, I can't play video games, they think the internet is evil. And everytime I think of complaining, I know my dad is going to pull the "As long as you live under my roof you follow my rules" crap or my mom is going to pull the "Why don't you love me?" crap. I'm sick of it. I feel as though I'm in a cage that's way too small for me and it's getting smaller every day and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

But for now, I'm holding onto those wonderful moments where he was holding my hand.